The Official Chart
The Taco Bill Treasure Scale
One Taco. One Decimal. No Buried Bullsh*t.
Every taco receives a score from 0.0 to 10.0. Why the decimal? Because a 7.1 and a 7.9 are not the same voyage, matey.
🗺️ The Scores
Walk the Plank
An unspeakable taco disaster. Even if you are starving, keep sailing. Hunger will eventually pass. This memory may not.
Shipwrecked
Poor quality and rough seas. Acceptable only when stranded, desperate, or every other kitchen within 50 miles has burned down.
Safe Harbor
Edible. Respectable enough. It will feed you, but nobody is writing songs about it. Eat as you see fit and continue the hunt.
Worth the Voyage
A genuinely good taco. If you are nearby, change course and make the stop. Your stomach will thank you.
Taco Gold
Stop searching. If an 8+ is nearby, this is where you are eating. Excellent tacos worthy of the map, the crew, and possibly a second order.
Legendary Treasure
Get in your car, board your ship, steal a bicycle, or paddle the damn canoe. This taco is worth traveling for and ranks among the very best.
The Holy Grail
Nearly unreachable taco perfection. The tortilla, filling, salsa, flavor, and craftsmanship have aligned like celestial taco gods.
A perfect 10.0 means Taco Bill has reached Taco Mecca — and should probably retire immediately because it is all downhill from here. Or is it??
🧭 What Gets Judged?
Consider the complete taco:
🫓
The Tortilla
Fresh, sturdy, flavorful, and worthy of carrying the treasure.
🥩
The Filling
Quality, seasoning, texture, and generosity.
⚖️
The Balance
Every ingredient working together without mutiny.
🌶️
The Salsa
Flavor, heat, freshness, and whether it elevates the taco.
🔥
The Craftsmanship
Temperature, preparation, construction, and consistency.
🗺️
The Return Voyage
How far would you travel to eat it again?
These are compass points — not separate scores. Trust your taste buds and award one final Treasure Score.
Three Scores. One Map.
🏴☠️
Captain's Score
The official score awarded by Taco Bill during one of his taco voyages.
⚓
Crew Score
The combined score from Taco Bill community reviewers.
🧭
Google Score
I don't trust these one bit but they are often better than no score at all.
Captain's Score: Uncharted?
Bounty open. Should Taco Bill set sail?
☠️ The Pirate Code
✕ Score the taco you actually ate, NOT the restaurant’s reputation.
✕ Rate individual taco styles when they deserve different scores.
✕ Free food never requires a favorable review. Never sell out!
✕ Disclose complimentary meals, personal relationships, and sponsorships.
✕ Do not inflate scores for attention. It’s bad karma!
✕ Do not sink a restaurant over parking, slow Wi-Fi, other menu items or your own poor life choices.
✕ Be honest, specific, useful, and funny.
✕ A 7 is good. An 8 is special. A 9 is legendary.
✕ Scores above 9.5 should be rarer than buried treasure. Be sure it’s defensible!